Timothy & Hilary’s Pasadena Engagement Session

Friends, this beautifully intentional story of Timothy & Hilary’s love is one that I’ve been excitedly waiting to share!! I will warn you, it’s a little bit longer than usual because they gave me detailed answers (YASS!), but it’s worth the read. :)

First, a little tidbit of how I know this sweet couple! I had the pleasure of going to college with Hilary at UCR! She was a year older & I was blessed getting to serve with her in a Christian fellowship on campus called AACF (you might have heard me mention it before) both my sophomore and junior year! I was always so encouraged by her heart to intentionally serve those around her and I admired her drive to go above and beyond, so it was a huge honor to receive an email from her & Tim inquiring about an engagement session and have the ability to serve her in this way! My amazingly sweet friend & super talented photographer, Michelle Chiu, will be photographing their wedding, and (John and) I am SO excited to be witnessing the start of their marriage as a guest in less than a WEEK! :)

Anyhow, onto their story! The start of their acquaintance begins way back in 2010!

“I met Hil for the first time at LAX as we were about to go to East Asia on our first missions trip. My first impression of her was that, “This girl has got it on lock!” She had all of the lessons, crafts supplies, and books ready and organized to go!” // Tim

“We didn’t know each other when we met. We had just finished our sophomore years in college (Tim at UCSC and me at UCR) and were part of a missions team to East Asia. Our team leader and I were friends from AACF at UC Riverside, but he was friends with Tim from having grown up together at Sunset Church. Tim never came to any of our trainings (& he lived in Santa Cruz while we were all in Riverside), so it was my first time meeting him at the airport before our long overseas flight.

My first impression of Tim was that he was cute…and a little goofy. His hair was pretty wild and it seemed like he didn’t shave the whole trip (he’s a hairy man)…so it wasn’t that attractive. But during the few weeks we spent overseas together with our team, it was his heart for God that stood out to me. Also, we lead some lessons together, and I remember him being really patient and willing to help in any way-– even if that meant playing the guitar on a whim and making up a song to help our storytime session. At the time, I was dating someone else so I wasn’t interested in Tim, I just knew we had some mutual friends.” // Hilary

As time would tell, and as Hilary became single again, they reconnected over time through the same organization they both continued to serve with! In 2013, Tim went overseas again to lead a missions team that Hilary was supporting since she had a friend on his team. So naturally, because of her involvement at the time with the organization, Hilary talked with Tim as he prepared to lead his team! They even scheduled a time to catch up when he returned at the end of the summer!

“Since Tim was in SF and I was in Pasadena, we had scheduled a time to Skype. This was in September 2013. Coincidentally (or was it?!), I received a package in the mail before we spoke, with items from friends overseas that Tim had brought back with him. I was so surprised and excited for that package, I almost cried opening it.

During our Skype hangout, all was going well until the end, when Tim said “I have something to ask you. Will you go on a date with me?” I was definitely surprised & shocked. But responded with “Yes!” Though, I initially thought he was joking, because I couldn’t imagine going on a first date long distance. But Tim explained that he was going to be in LA for a friend’s wedding proposal and thought that we could hangout before then. This conversation was on a Monday, and he was planning to come down on Saturday. So fast! I didn’t know what to think about it — I didn’t even like him at the time, but I thought I’d give him a shot, especially if he was willing to travel down to me to have a date!” // Hil

Good job, Tim! I love how brave and forthcoming he was in asking her out! One common theme you’ll find in this couple? How intentional they are about so many things in life. I love that a lot!

Now before I go on about their journey, I welcome you into a glimpse of the sweet time John & I both had with these two throughout Pasadena! :)

I actually met Tim for the first time at me & John’s wedding in March! It was only for a brief couple of minutes as we greeted our guests, so I was so grateful to get to know him more throughout their session! I could tell instantly as we began the session that he was a really thoughtful guy and it became easy to see how goofy he was! I loved seeing how the two of them cared for one another and made each other laugh! :)

Remember that intentionality Tim had with asking Hilary out? Well it doesn’t stop there. Onto their first date…

“Our first date was 6 hours long! Tim picked me up from my house, but I was running late from a work event that morning. When I pulled into my driveway, I was surprised to see him sitting on my porch. (It was kinda cute, because I still didn’t know Tim that well, at this point.). He was so patiently waiting!

We went to lunch at Oasis Cafe (which is no longer there, but it was next to Copa Vida in Pasadena). Sat by the window and talked for a very long time. Afterwards, we were too full for coffee next door at Copa Vida, so I took Tim to my favorite dessert place, Salju Desserts in Alhambra. (Salju ends up being one of his fave places and requested go-to every time he came down to visit!) We then proceeded to eat and talk some more. By the end of the date, it was dinner time, so he dropped me off at home….and when he did, Tim handed me two books, “Holding Hands, Holding Hearts” and “The Meaning of Marriage” along with a 3 page handwritten letter on non-lined paper, written in thin sharpie, that explained his intentions, purpose in dating, and why he had given me the books. Tim had read these books in preparation for us to date. I was very surprised and impressed by Tim’s preparation in trying to leading me from the start. Even if we didn’t know what was going to happen! He definitely is a man after God’s heart and strived from the beginning of our relationship to keep Christ as the center, and to also earn my respect.

After our first date, he gave me time and space to think about things, especially since I didn’t even know if I liked him yet. I was pretty confused, but mostly because I didn’t know what a long distance relationship looked like and didn’t know how he could care for me because of the distance. But with bi-weekly Skype calls (he was good about not overly contacting me) and much time in prayer, we decided to give it a shot! Tim came down to ask my parents for permission to date in October 2013. We officially started dating then! He wanted to make sure to include our parents in the process, along with our respective community of friends, for accountability’s sake and also support, since he knew that dating long distance would be difficult (oh, and it definitely was!).“

All I can say is, major brownie points to you, Tim! Good man! Also, both books Tim gave to Hil are great reads! John & I actually read Holding Hands Holding Hearts together when we started to intentionally try to get to know one another more before dating! It’s a good read on dating and what marriage in a Christian perspective based on the Bible! The Meaning of Marriage is a bit lengthier but SO GOOD. I’m not finished with it yet, but it has so many Truthful nuggets! :)

“When Tim kissed me on the cheek for the first time! We knew it was going to happen during our photoshoot, and were excited but nervous about it. There were lots of giggles and “tee-hees.” It was also awkward at times too haha.

When we first dated, we had chosen not to have our first kiss until we reach the alter. Mostly for the purpose of purity and honoring God in our actions. But also so we could make sure that our intentions with each other are not clouded by our physical attraction to each other. It wasn’t as difficult as it may seem, but it was definitely a struggle and a reminder of how much our flesh is weak, and how much more our purity with Christ is when we approach his throne of Grace. We definitely by no means, have anything against couples who kiss while they are dating– For us, it is a deliberate choice to save our first kiss for the day that we declare before our family and friends how much the Gospel and Christ means to us by getting married. Showing our commitment to our faith and the sacrifice of Christ on the cross for our sins.” // Hilary

This was Tim’s favorite part of the session! HEHE :) When they first did it and I heard all the squealing, I thought it was sweet of course! But when they shared with me why they were so giggly it all made sense! I love their intentionality in this! :)

Tim described Hilary as determined (“Once Hil’s in the zone, there’s no stopping her), Dory (“As independent and strong as she is, she’s kind of like Dory sometimes and will forget things instantly”) and lovely (“There are so many more words to describe Hil but she is lovely to be cared for and cared by”)! I love what he also shared about Hilary and what attracted her most to him!

“Firstly, her love for Christ and desire to honor him. Second, her teachability & willingness to admit when she’s at fault and can confront her sin. Third, she’s absolutely gorgeous.“

“I’m attracted to many characteristics of Tim! Tim’s patience with me and his ability to gently & lovingly correct me when I’m wrong. Before Tim, I’ve never experienced someone who could reproach with so much grace, love, and care. Tim’s fervor for God and desire to see the Gospel spread to the nations showed me where his priorities are. Also his quirky comments always catch me off guard and make me laugh. Also, Tim’s desire for us to first serve and pursue God above everything else.

Dating long distance made it hard to really see our interactions together, especially since we only saw each other in person a few days each month, but Tim helped me learn to communicate better, since it was the only way we could really connect. Now that we live in the same city, I am most attracted to Tim in the little things – when he cooks for me, takes out the trash from my house, and goes out of his way to care for me, even if that means driving to me in the pouring rain (and I hate the rain #SoCalGirlAtHeartForever).” // Hilary

“I couldn’t come up with 3 single words [about Tim], so I have a few short word groups…

Patiently Prayerful – Tim is always the first to lead us in prayer, in the good and bad times. He’s shown me more about how important it is to keep Christ the center of my life and in our relationship. Even when I’m being stubborn and prideful, he’s so patient and understanding.

Persistently Trusting – From when we first started dating and even through our engagement, I can see how Tim has been striving to earn my respect– and I learning how to give it to him. He knew from the get-go it’s not easy, and our dating relationship strengthened our trust in each other. I had to learn to follow Tim in his decisions and advice, even when I feel like my ideas and choices are better. As we grew as a couple, I was more understanding and willing to follow Tim’s lead. Tim is very loyal, trusting of people (unless they are obvious sketchy), and optimistic, while I am often hesitant and pessimistic. He sees the good in people and has a very good radar. I was very surprised at how he could pick up on my emotions or feelings, even when I don’t verbalize it.

Thoughtfully Clean – Tim likes things to be clean and orderly; most of the time in the way he is familiar with. I’m an orderly and clean person as well, in my own way. He has an impeccable way of doing things where dust and dirt do not get missed, and items have their rightful place. I’ve come to appreciate this about him, as it is indicative of his personality too.

Nerdy – Tim loves superheroes (secretly….OOPS!), toys, Pokemon, and Disney (like me!). It’s so cute when he gets excited over any of those things – and I find it a joy to enjoy it/ geek out together! He’s also a HUGE Warriors Basketball fan, which has been fun to join him in celebrating the greatness of the team! (That’s not so nerdy, but kinda, when you think about how much he retains and knows!)”

“Showing love in a way that Hil will receive it is super duper hard! But I try my best and am open to her helping me know how to do that.” // Tim

I love Tim’s honesty in sharing how it’s hard to love others the way they receive love. Figuring out how we give & receive love was something John & I were encouraged to do early on and we really appreciated it! It was easier for me to show John love in ways he received it because I gave love naturally in that way! But it was harder for John to learn how to show me love in a way I’d receive it! And I had to be better about actually helping him learn to love him rather than expect him to figure it out on his own!

Sometimes we can get in this mindset that if someone doesn’t show love automatically to us in way we receive it, it means they don’t care; or if we tell someone how to love us better, it’s not as authentic! But I’ve learned that we’re all different! You have to be willing to help one another learn how to love each other, and also willing to listen & learn how to do it better! I love hearing that Tim & Hilary have been working as a team to continue to learn how to love one another! :)

So how did Tim ask Hilary to be his fiancé?? It wasn’t an easy story, but I love the perseverance he had in it! :)

“The first time I asked for her parents’ blessing, we did did not receive it. I called Hil to tell her that I was in SoCal, a surprise to her. She was so happy to find out that I was planning on proposing even though I was heartbroken. She cared for me but was so happy, haha!”

Turns out, Tim didn’t ask once, not twice but four times for their permission before finally receiving it!

“In August 2016, Hil and I received her parents blessing to get married. It was a joyous time! I emailed her family, a week later on a Wednesday, to coordinate a proposal date. The only times that would work were that Saturday – August 27 (3 days later) or December 2016 (5 months later!). Knowing it would crush Hil to wait 5 months from blessing to proposal, I decided to go with Saturday– then went to my mind palace to think of how to propose. The next day, I scouted Sutro Heights (a park in SF) with Gabe Cheng (groomsmen), went over a plan, and although ambitious, that’s all I had to go off of. That night (Thursday) I texted a few photographer friends and physical labor friends to see if we could pull it off. After going through a dry run on Friday, I decided to go for it.” // Tim

According to Hilary, Tim had already apparently had the ring for almost a year at this point!!

“The morning of the proposal was normal for me. My sisters were both staying at my house, so my parents came to pick them up as they were going their separate ways to meet with friends. The plan was that Tim and I would get together with my family for dinner that night. Tim was at worship practice at church that morning, so I had a morning to myself to relax. Then Tim and I had a day to ourselves planned out- getting coffee, reading, and then going to the DeYoung Museum.

However, I wanted to go on a hike to enjoy the outdoors, so he added that in before getting coffee… but it was a little strange because we were both dressed up, so we can look nice for pictures at the museum. However, when Tim picked me up, he brought us to the beach — not a place I expected to hike, but it was a nice overcast day, so it wasn’t too bad. Little did I know, that this was where he was going to propose.

Tim lead us to a bench on the top of a castle-looking-hill, where I was prepared to do my own devotions…but then he said he wanted to do devos together. So I obliged, but was really suspicious that something was going to happen… so I quickly scanned him for a ring box – No luck, since his suit was so tight. But after talking about how we were each doing, Tim pulled out a note he had in his suit jacket and asked to read it to me.” // Hilary

“At that point I totally thought something was going to happen. But at the end, he just said “I Love You, Hil.” That was it. I even asked “Are you going to propose?!” which the response ended up being “No, why would you think that?” He then lead us to “walk back to the car” along the side of the hill to get a view of the beach

When he went to stand over the railing, there was a green compost bag of what looked like poop on the inside. I told him I didn’t want to stand there, cuz it looked gross. Tim convinced me otherwise, and when I looked over the railing, about 100 feet below, in the sand was written “Will You Marry Me Hil?”. When I looked over at Tim, he bent down and picked up the bag of dog poop! I was so shocked– It wasn’t dog poop, but the ring box! After answering “YES!” to his proposal, my sisters and friends filming & taking pictures came out of hiding.” // Hilary

“But the surprises weren’t over. After we went to the beach to take a look at the writing in the sand, I was told we were getting lunch with my parents (since they weren’t at the actual proposal). On the way to lunch, Tim said he wanted to stop off at one of our good friend’s homes cuz they weren’t able to make the proposal. On the way up to their front door, I saw a lot of shoes — then upon walking in, was surprised with an engagement party with our close friends & family! I was so amazed! I’m so grateful for Tim’s thoughtful planning, especially learning that he only had 3 days to do so. He even took into consideration helping our families know where we were, by providing them with a map and specific locations for our “stops.” Tim included all that I hoped for in our proposal – having family, friends, and good food to celebrate!” // Hilary

“It was a joyful day that we were able to spend with friends and family at a post-engagement party. Praise God for the journey He has brought us on and all of the brothers and sisters in Christ that made it possible!” // Tim

After we left the garden, we headed out to Pasadena, back where the love story of these two began! They showed me the corner where they had their first date, though it was no longer there, and we walked around the streets of downtown!

“By dating Tim, I’ve learned what it means to sacrifice my pride, for the sake of serving him; at the same time it is honoring to God as I learn to not just respect Tim as he leads me in our relationship, but to learn how to love Tim as he pursues God himself. I’ve also seen the importance of prayer- how God really works in His own timing. Especially as we were dating long distance, had a long journey to get engaged, and the whole engagement itself. There’s no way we would have been able to be married without the prayers of our friends & family, and those who have discipled us along the way.” // Hilary

Something Tim learned through their relationship and also hung onto throughout their relationship:

“When I’m doubting our relationship, [I’ve learned that] it’s not about the 17 different ways Hil can be a better girlfriend, but about the 17 different ways I can be a better boyfriend and brother in Christ to Hil. – paraphrased from Meaning of Marriage” // Tim

I also asked Hilary what really resonated with her throughout their relationship, and what truths she hung onto, and this is what she shared:

“Not think about yourself, but think about how to honor and serve the other person. Especially when it is difficult to love and care, because in a similar way, that is how Christ showed His love for us, by dying on the cross… when we didn’t deserve it, he showed us grace. So in the same way, dying to whatever was taking over me (pride, anger, wanting to prove something, etc.) is a sacrificial effort to love Tim. It is SO hard, but also so amazing to see God’s love tangibly work in my own heart & having Tim be part of it.

I remember one time in Pastor Joey’s sermons (from Sunset Church), in the Song of Songs series, that it was emphasized that in times of doubt, to remember why I loved and wanted to care for Tim. ” // Hilary

Yes, yes. I agree. It’s SO hard, but truly humbling to see God’s love & grace through it all. This is similar to what Tim shared above about wanting to remember how he wanted to love & lead Hilary better! I love what he added about this, too! He saw the importance in making one another feel “safe” in their relationship through loving & serving one another. :)

As the sun fully set behind the city buildings, we wrapped up our session and spent more time with one another over dinner! It was our first time actually getting to sit down and talk with Tim, and I could see how beautifully they complimented one another, and how together they were even more intentional than they were apart–and that’s saying a lot! I love the heart these two share for Jesus and those around them, and it’s truly a sight to see how much they love one another, too! I’m excited for these two friends. :)

CONGRATULATIONS HILARY & TIM!!! Again, John & I are SO excited for you both & we can’t wait to witness the covenant of your love on Saturday!!

Of course, for their sweet friends, here’s some silly outtakes from their session that I just had to share! As intentional and loving as these two are, I love how silly they also are together!! :)